She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
