I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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