Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm determined to sit on that face.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
