His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
