I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
