My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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