that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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