He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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