you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
