You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
