We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize