So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
