More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
