As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
