I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
