I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
