what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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