her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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