Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
