Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize