I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
