Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize