...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
