Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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