why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
