In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
