I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
