After last night, I could never be a politician.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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