New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
