Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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