OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
