You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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