He kissed a someone with a penis
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
We need to get me chipped asap
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
