Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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