is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
