im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
