I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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