Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
