four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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