could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
