just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
