i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
