So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
