Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
