Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize