I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The air taste purple.
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