I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
