so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
