they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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