did you get engaged???
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
