How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
