So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this just has baby written all over it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
