Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
