The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
