"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
