If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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