their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
