are you still at the devil's house?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
