I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
