I'm drive I can fine osifer
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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