No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
