As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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