I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
