So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
